Ragdoll
by Shadow over Egypt
Summary: Yellow ribbons mean change, and pink blossoms mean loss. If one can't love, perhaps they should settle for affection instead... [oneshot, silentshipping, shonenai pairing too]


**Shadow: **Round Two of Compy-kun's contest, and this time it's _Silentshipping _(Seto x Serenity). I hate the pairing, and I honestly don't like this one-shot. (-pulls face-) Much love to Kelpy, because she listened to me rant over msn…and quite frequently too.

**Notes: **Despite being silentshipping, it also contains shonen-ai. Don't like, don't read.

A 'sakura' tree is a cherry blossom tree.

* * *

**Rag-doll**

"_Uncle!"_

_Surprise. "I…shouldn't you be in _bed _by now? I just passed Yasuo's room, and he's fast asleep."_

"_Uncle, Yasuo's a _baby." _Childish scorn._

"_He's less than two years younger than you, and you, sweetheart, were sent to bed not long after -"_

"_But uncle, I can't sleep!"_

"_Why?"_

_An impatient shrug. "I just can't. It's hot. Tell me a story?"_

"_Reiko –"_

"Please, _uncle?" Pleading eyes. _

"…_Get into bed now, and I'll tell you one."_

"_Okay!" The quick pattering of small feet, and a leap into bed. "Tell me now?"_

"_Alright…which story would you like?"_

_There was a pause, as bright minds quickly thought over their options. "Tell me…tell me about mummy and daddy?"_

_Hesitance. "But…you've already heard -"_

"_Tell me again, uncle? _Pretty _please? Daddy never -"_

"_Alright, _alright!" _A sigh. "Right…so one day there was -"_

_A huff. "That isn't how it begins, uncle!"_

_Amusement. "Then how does it begin?"_

"_Once upon a time… Everyone knows that!"_

"_They do?" Faint laughter echoed in the light voice. "Very well then…_

_Once upon a time, there was a rag-doll."_

* * *

Life works out strangely. Sometimes everything hinges on a single event, something tiny and inconsequential at the time but earth-shatteringly important in the greater picture. Minute events shape history. 

One day, I didn't kiss the man I was in love with.

It's odd…it was almost fifteen years ago now (fifteen years, three months, two weeks, four days…), but I remember it like it was yesterday. I guess…I shouldn't be all that surprised though – I've always been exceptional.

He had blossoms in his hair. Early spring, and the avenue he raced up towards me was lined with pink sakura trees, their petals fluttering to the ground in drifts of rose-tinted snow. He smelled of the blossoms when he threw himself into my arms, the flowery sweetness mingling with the faint scent of apple shampoo I could smell in his hair.

He had that special smile, the one that made me want to kiss him senseless and myself as well but…oh, I get ahead of myself. Before that was the doll.

It was a homely, raggedy thing, its face and limbs stuffed full of sawdust to keep them firm. It had been made female, given long, blonde-brown woollen hair and a faded pink dress, lying, abandoned, on a bank of grass, completely out of place. It looked like it had been well-cared for all its life; the doll was immaculately clean, the hair brushed, the dress neatly pressed.

But…there it lay on a bank of grass, and the sky was red and orange, streaked with sunset. It was such a tiny, _pathetic _thing, and looked so forlorn alone…

Her owner wore a yellow ribbon in her hair.

I looked up when pale hands reached to take the doll, the yellow ribbon coming loose and long, long hair catching the sun's fading rays…

The meeting amongst the blossoms was about a month after that.

* * *

"_The doll wasn't really anything special – as the name implies, it was made of bits of old rags and scrap cloth sewn together, and had been stuffed with sawdust, wool and anything else that came to hand. It's owner though, a sweet young girl called Serenity, often said it had been stuffed with love – her grandmother had made the doll for her when she'd been very little, and she'd had it ever since._

_One day, when Serenity was seventeen, she lost the doll." _

* * *

I always hated the 'just friends' category. It always seemed idiotic to me, beforehand, that if you liked someone enough to want to date them you'd be content with being 'just friends', settle for being second-best when in fact you could be first… 

We were 'just friends'. I had no idea how the change came about, but there we were. And there we stuck, and we never got any further. I…don't know how to describe it. It was wonderful, being so close to him, and yet it was…so damn _frustrating…! _I couldn't seem to budge myself from that spot with him, and yet I wanted to _so much -!!!_

I don't beg, though. I don't grovel, or plead, or lower myself to another. I don't think I can. And so we never kissed, and he hugged me in that breathless way when he'd ran a whole street to hold me, and my heart warmed to the point where I almost _could've-_

But one doesn't do the sorts of things I'd thought of with a 'friend'. And it was hard enough for me to call him 'friend', never mind take the daring plunge which even the thought of made me unbearably dizzy.

Instead, I took pleasure from the warmth of his embrace, the brightness of his smile, and gently teased him in my nigh silent way while I picked blossoms out of his hair.

"_Going for the natural look this year, are we?"_

_A vague pink tint on his cheeks, almost the same colour as the petals everywhere around them. "As if _you're _one to speak! You're coated in the flowers the same as me, Seto Kaiba."_

"_Of course I am – I've just be standing under this tree for the past half hour, waiting for you to show your lazy ass. What else do you expect?"_

"_Then maybe you shouldn't always be so _early _all the time – you _do _insist on arriving to things at least a good twenty minutes or so before they're due to begin."_

"_And _you, _lazy ass, must always insist on arriving for things _late – _do you even know _how _to tell the time?"_

_A smile. "When my stomach rumbles, I eat. When I get tired, I sleep. Who needs to tell the time?"_

"_You're so ridiculously archaic it's almost not funny."_

"_And you're so ridiculously modern you forget what good things the past has to offer." Head tilted to one side, voice lowering. "And what the present is offering."_

He had never forgotten. _Ever. _And doubted he ever would…

Regret stayed with you, after all.

* * *

"_She dropped it in the park somewhere, one day when she'd been out walking. At least…she thought that was the most _likely _place she'd dropped it. She'd fed the ducks there for a little while before heading home, and sat down beneath an old oak tree._

_It was evening when Serenity finally find the time to return to the park. It was pretty late, and it felt a little strange being in the park so close to sunset, but she didn't want to leave finding her doll to the day after. The doll was precious to her, and she couldn't bear the thought of it being lost for even one night. It had been a gift, after all._

_In the park, Serenity searched everywhere she'd been that day. She walked all the way around the pond three times, squinting into the water to see if it could have fallen in. She headed for the old oak tree she'd sat under…and stopped, confused, a few feet away. _

_Under the tree a dark-haired man was bending over, scooping up a familiar item…_

_Serenity had dashed forwards to take it out of the stranger's hands before she'd even thought about it, and then…up close…she realised the one who'd picked up her doll wasn't a stranger at all. In fact, Serenity's group of friends knew him quite well._

_His name was Seto Kaiba, and he was the one person Serenity's older brother hated more than the world. He was a teenage CEO, only a few years older than Serenity, and was both filthy rich and stunningly handsome. He had the sort of looks teen magazines would rave about, and crazy women would occasionally chase him down the street if he were out walking."_

_There was a giggle. "Silly women."_

_Another smile. "Indeed they were… _

_Serenity was both surprised and a little aghast to realise she'd just snatched something out of the legendary Seto Kaiba's hands. Seto, it seemed, was just confused…"_

* * *

I think I knew it was over when he stopped smiling at me – at least, in the way he'd done before. He…had never been one to smile often. When he was amused his lips twisted upwards slightly, or he chuckled. Only when he was really, _blissfully _happy did truly smile, and then he was a wonder to behold. His smile directed at you could light up the world… 

I last saw it the day pink sakura blossoms rained from the sky…

He fit so perfectly against me – did you know that? We fit together like pieces of a jigsaw, a whole picture at each others' side. He was endlessly patient, it seemed; he'd waited for me for forever. But then…under the pink-tinted boughs of the sakura tree I caught the flash of impatience in his dark eyes. He couldn't…much as I needed him, _wanted _him…if he had spoken, I think my pride would've rejected him. It had…it had to be _me _and I…I was too afraid(?) to take the risk that left me. He'd always understood that….but…that day…

I think I asked him to wait too long.

He was young, beautiful, and wanted to love _someone_. And I…was too scared to even admit I possibly ever could…

The day beneath the blossoms I should've kissed him. I should've kissed him before the last true smile he offered me faded, before he realised in the end I was a coward and before…

The yellow ribbon floated in the breeze. It was tied around a hat, dangled loosely in one hand as she ran along, white dress blowing about her legs, shrieking as one of her would-be suitors chased after her. Both as pretty and plain as her doll.

Smiles all round. Laughter. Idiots gathered around, a spring picnic. Sunshine, and the falling blossoms. His precious smile, and the sweet smell as my heart slowly broke. The day's ending, and the way the sun bled to death in the sky, all light dying with it.

I never saw him again until a week later, and then his smile was different. It was just as bright but wasn't as true, but still I kept this tiny hope…

About two months later, most of the brightness had gone too. The warmth was still there, but it had…_altered. _But still, I kept my delusions…

For a time.

* * *

"_Seto Kaiba had really pretty blue eyes, Serenity noticed. And when they looked at you in the unguarded way they were doing then, they made him look startlingly attractive, quite unlike his usual frosty aloofness. Why was he staring at her though…? It wasn't as if he'd never seen her before; admittedly they hadn't spoken much but –_

_He turned around and left. Serenity flushed as the young man walked away from her, embarrassed. She had no idea why she felt so self-conscious, just…something in Seto's eyes… The ribbon flapping in her hair caught her attention. Oh…Seto had seen her while her hair'd been coming out and she'd been a mess?_

_Serenity merely pulled the ribbon out rest of the way, and ran all the way home without stopping, doll clutched tightly in her arms." _

* * *

A raggedy doll, and a raggedy yellow ribbon… They matched. Her hair…it was incredibly long then – it seemed so, anyway. The setting sun behind her turned every strand to red and gold, and for an instant, just a half of a second of a heartbeat, she reminded me of… 

Red, bloody red. The irony of loving one with such a colour.

Passion, anger, danger, lust. _I love…_

Gold, precious gold. The mixed feelings seeing such a hue could bring.

Wealth, status and power. _I hate…_

Opening a creaky door and moving through into a gathering to see him with his arms wrapped around another's neck, tangling fingers in light hair while they kissed… I don't think they even noticed I was there - not while they kissed, not when they drew apart, and not when he gave his precious smile away to someone else.

His new lover… I'd hated before, but the dark roiling running through me then was _murderous._

And then…there were the blossoms again.

* * *

"_Seto seemed a little lost after the park incident, Serenity noted. He wandered about in a daze when she saw him – and that became a very rare thing indeed, as Kaiba appeared to be avoiding her group of friends even more than usual. She had no idea why…very little had changed, in the grand scheme of things._

_Months passed by and Seto ceased to visit at all, and so Serenity grew worried. About half a year had gone by since she had last saw him, and so…she headed to KaibaCorp, the company the young man owned. Lucky for her, Seto was in the foyer…" _

* * *

I got married in springtime, would you believe that? The blossoms became representative of my loss, the days I should've been happy but weren't. _He_ sat in the congregation, and wished me 'all the happiness' afterwards at the reception. He had a sweet smile as ever, and danced away in giddy circles with his lover in the crowds that came to wish my wife and me 'all the best'. She looked as pretty as ever in her long white wedding dress, hair tied up at the nape of her neck. _Her _smile was sweet too, but it was sorrowful as well. 

I had told her, god knows why, of what an idiot I'd made of myself that day under the blossoms. You see…she had arrived, seemingly from nowhere, at KaibaCorp one day, dark eyes full of tears and stamping her foot. Said she wanted to know 'why I'd been hiding away again'. I couldn't get her to leave until I promised to go out with the 'friends' I'd abandoned at least half a year before – I was too surprised at her uncharacteristic outburst to protest too much. After all, before that…hadn't she mostly been a wallflower?

Much as it pained me, I kept my promise. I stayed in the shadows most of the time I was with that little group, and she watched me shrewdly. After the day was done – and my task with it – I went to leave, but she halted me with a hand on my arm, gentle.

"_I'm sorry, Kaiba." She looked repentant. "I shouldn't have forced you to come today."_

"_Hn." He turned to go, not really interested –_

"…_Did you know you liked him before my brother started dating him…?"_

_Kaiba froze. How on earth-?_

_She blushed, seeing the reaction on her companion's face. "I…guessed, seeing as how you were sort of…avoiding looking at them." _

Serenity Wheeler was a quiet, perfectly ordinary girl. There was nothing really outstanding about her, so how could she have been so astute…?

I was never quite sure how we both ended up going out for that first cup of coffee.

* * *

"_Serenity was never quite sure how she managed to get talking with Seto Kaiba. The man could be a nightmare, but…somehow or other, a few weeks later, she found herself constantly in his company. He snapped at her, she shied away, he yelled, and she quietly bore it all, listening. She never told her big brother what she was doing – she wasn't even all that certain what she was doing herself._

_They met for coffee; they went for walks in the park. They went for drives… Seto talked, Serenity listened; Serenity talked, Seto…learned to listen. _

_Serenity told him she loved him."_

"_Mummy and daddy were madly in love, weren't they Uncle Mokuba?"_

"…_Yes, Reiko, they were."_

* * *

She told me she loved me one day after we had been out walking, perfectly seriously. I remember, she had the stupid rag-doll in her pocket again, that I'd picked up so long ago… She knew I didn't love her – I _liked _her certainly, in a vague sort of way, but it was more the affection one would have for a friend one has not seen for a while. 

What confuses me…is that she _knew _I didn't love her back. I'd told her who I loved, I repeated the name to her after her confession, and she asked me what that had to do with anything at all. She said she couldn't stop loving and…

And it was such a dreadfully predictable speech from a Wheeler, I almost smacked my head. A flicker of the expression must have crossed my face because she halted mid-word, blinking rather owlishly before smiling. That she could read my expressions so well…

A brief flash then, across my heart, about who I wished could read me like she now did. Who never _would _read me like she did, because I doubted I'd ever open up like that again…

I proposed to Serenity about a year later, after I'd seen her smile at some idiotic blond in the Game Shop. I wasn't jealous of the smile – I was...I don't know. I think…

'Misery loves company', as the saying goes, and I couldn't bear the thought of losing my company to an idiot who reminded me way too much of her own older brother.

* * *

"_So they got married?"_

_Mokuba smiled, leaning forwards to gently tuck his niece up in her bed. "Yes Reiko, they got married. It was a spring wedding, and the air was full of sakura blossoms. Your mummy looked beautiful in her wedding dress -"_

"_What were her flowers? Every bride has flowers!"_

"_She had white lilies, tied up…with a yellow ribbon, I believe. Everyone said she was the prettiest girl in all Domino that day, and your daddy was the luckiest man in the world."_

"_And then they had me? Didn't they?" Reiko was still too hyped up to sleep, beaming at her uncle._

"_Yes, Reiko, then they had you. Two years after their marriage you came along, the dearest, sweetest little thing I'd ever seen. You mummy and daddy were so proud… Your daddy carried you around in his arms all day proclaiming you were his precious darling, the pearl of his world. Three years after you came your little brother, and -"_

"_And they lived happily ever after, right? To this day?"_

_Mokuba smiled again. "And they lived happily ever after, Reiko – to this day."_

Seto smiled slightly as well, leaning on the doorpost of his daughter's bedroom doorway. "Reiko sweetheart, shouldn't you be asleep by now?"

Dark brown eyes – the same shade as her mother's – opened wide. "Daddy!" Reiko scrambled out from under her sheets (her uncle sighed), dashing over to fling her arms around her father's waist.

Seto scooped her up, carefully carrying her over to the bed again. "It's late, Reiko. It's time to sleep, now."

"But you and mummy and uncle Mokuba and Joey and Yami -"

"Are _grown-ups, _with grown-up things to discuss."

Reiko pouted, still clinging to her father as he tucked her into bed again. "I'm not sleepy."

"And yet you promised to sleep, if your uncle Mokuba told you a story."

"…You heard that?"

Seto cracked a wry grin, Mokuba covering his own with his hand. "I did. Now, hold your end of the bargain, monster, and go to sleep." He'd heard the entire story, from beginning to end.

A soft sigh. "…_Yes, _daddy."

"Goodnight Reiko." Seto pressed a kiss to his daughter's brow, standing up to leave.

"'Night daddy. Night, uncle Mokuba."

…

Quietly, Mokuba walked at Seto's side as they both headed back downstairs to the Kaiba mansion's living room, where they'd left their spouses and their guests. Seto was deep in thought.

Mokuba's story…was how the rest of the world had seen his relationship with Serenity. Fourteen years and the lies still held… No-one outside of their marriage perhaps except for Yami knew anything other than what Mokuba had just told Reiko…and Yami only knew because…well…

The living-room was warm and friendly when the two Kaiba brothers entered. It was late autumn and quite cold outside, so Serenity had lit the fire to heat the room up. The woman herself was seated comfortably in a plush chair not far from the fire; she smiled when her husband came in.

"Reiko still awake?"

"Yeah..." Slowly, Kaiba moved to sit at Serenity's side.

Opposite them, Joey Wheeler glanced up. "She's usually well-behaved though, isn't she?"

Yami, curled up and nearly half-asleep in the blond's arms, gave a drowsy nod. "Reiko means well…she just gets a little…_hyperactive_ now and then…"

"That's an understatement." Mokuba was sitting beside his own wife, a delicate-looking brunette who already _was _asleep. The black-haired man didn't have the heart to wake her.

"But we love her." Serenity defended her daughter, nudging Seto in the ribs.

The brunet quickly took the hint, nodding furiously. "We do."

'_Reiko'…_it had been Seto who had suggested the name for the girl. The name was Japanese, to suit her birth-land, and could translate as both 'tears', and 'affection'. Seto had felt…both suited the child that held together his marriage with Serenity, and kept it stable.

"We would expect no less." Yami's words were half-muffled by his lover's shirt. "…You always did love fiercely, Seto."

A pause, only three people understanding everything the sentence truly meant. Seto had… Seto had married a girl not particularly beautiful, nor particularly bright. Serenity wasn't very outgoing, and she had no distinguishing special skills. In every way she was perfectly average, but then Kaiba had been content with the match. He'd lost his love, and all he had left was his affection.

Fifteen years, three months, two weeks, four days ago he'd never kissed Yami under the trees, with the blossoms falling down upon their heads.

Fourteen years ago he'd gotten married to Serenity, and the blossoms had swept across his life once more. Serenity with the yellow ribbon, and the little rag-doll her grandmother had made her.

If he had taken Yami…if he could have kissed Yami…there wouldn't have been a Reiko, and there wouldn't have been a Yasuo. Serenity would have fallen in love and married someone else.

'Reiko' – 'tears'. He couldn't take back the past and he couldn't ever quite hide all the regret.

'Reiko' – 'affection'. He couldn't hide the love for his children.

_Life…works out strangely. _Seto couldn't tear his eyes away from Yami, lost in the arms of his brother-in-law. _Sometimes everything hinges on a single event, something tiny and inconsequential at the time but earth-shatteringly important in the greater picture. Minute events shape history. One day, I didn't kiss the man I was in love with. I never married him._

He glanced to Serenity, who cautiously smiled back at him.

_I found a rag-doll instead…_


End file.
